How to react when an employee loses his cool ?

I was reading an interesting article in CNN and here are excerpts which I found to be very useful.

How to react when an employee loses his cool ?

The author refers a lot to David Wolf, PhD , Author of a new book called Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living (Mandala Publishing, $14.95).

1. Blank out your own emotions. Take a deep breath, keep your voice low and slow, and don’t take the attack personally. “His rage is not about you. It’s about him,” said Wolf. “Don’t let your own fear or anger take hold.” How can you stay cool when someone is using you as a verbal punching bag? “Different techniques work for different people,” said Wolf. “The main thing is to practice noticing your own emotions without being controlled by them.”

2. Listen. It’s not your job to be the office shrink, but listening carefully to an angry colleague is the first step in building a constructive conversation. Take him or her to some quiet place – your office, a bistro down the street, or wherever you can keep interruptions or distractions to a minimum – and focus your attention on this discussion.

“If you really listen, instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next, you’re far more likely to be listened to when it’s ‘your turn’ to speak,” said Wolf. “Listening closely also shows the other person that you are not his enemy” – and that you genuinely would like to do whatever you can to help.

In an ideal world, you would be able to promise that things will get easier, or that more hands will be on deck to do the work. Right now on Planet Earth, you probably can’t promise that, so don’t even try. What you can do right now for free, however, is empathize. Wolf says that he has seen clients amazed at “how quickly this simple technique turns hostility into a reasonable dialogue.”

3. Restate in your own words what you just heard. “To be understood is a basic human need. Often when someone is venting at you, all they want is to know that you understand their situation – not analysis, praise, advice, judgment, or anything else, just simple recognition of their point of view,” noted Wolf.

So, for instance, if your subordinate delivers a tirade about delays on his project because of factors beyond his control, you might calmly reply, “I understand what’s happening” – insert relevant details here – “and that it’s really frustrating for you.”

Wolf adds that there is a big difference between understanding and agreeing. “Suspend judgment long enough to ‘get’ what the other person is saying, even if you think it’s unjustified or wrongheaded,” he suggested. “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care, so concentrate on staying detached from your own point of view and making sure you hear his.”

Incidentally, Wolf says his method works equally well on anyone who snarls at you, from stressed-out store clerks to your surly teenage kids. “These are universal principles,” he said. “They aren’t just for the workplace.”